Vintage Madness

I've been watching a lot of basketball lately and I got to thinking, what if thrifting was a sport? For those of you who have done it, you know how intense it can be - it's not impossible to imagine a league of professional antiquers! Just imagine what it would be like to spectate and hear live "on the ground" coverage at antique malls, flea markets and thrift shops? Here are a few play-by-play commentaries that I imagined for two of my favorite Etsy vintage sellers - Dear Golden Vintage and Adelaide's Homesewn - and myself. Here's the set up: The commentators' names are Tom and John. They are broadcasting live wearing vintage menswear and fancy headsets. They have a combined 46 years of experience covering vintage sports.

Lauren of Dear Golden Vintage

“The doors of the antique mall just opened and . . . yes, we’ve just received confirmation from Betty at the front desk that it is in fact Dear Golden Vintage. This is very exciting, John. Her stats sheet is incredible. She’s known in this part of the state for her accuracy and breakneck pace. People also say he has a "sixth sense" for finding tatted lace and 1940s rayon. You'll remember last March we saw her cover 100,000 square feet of collectibles in just under an hour and a half. Reports say that she's been doing a lot of home juicing since then, so who knows what she's capable of now. 

Duff (moi!) of Jean Jean Vintage

“Jean Jean Vintage has taken a sharp left down the second aisle of the antique mall and – whoah! – she is striding toward booth 204. She has a tray and is quickly filling it with baubles. Watch closely, Tom, because we might see her favoring her left hand. Reportedly, her thumb got trapped in a locket last week but it looks like she’s made a full recovery. I’m also happy to see that she’s brought her multi-compartment purse today – you’ll remember last time she forgot it and it really set her back. The necklace tangling that day was some of the worst I’ve seen."

Maria of Adelaide's Homesewn

“Now John, we all know that Adelaide’s Homesewn holds the Missouri record for most garments draped over one arm at one time, but did you also know that she also took the silver medal in the stair climbing competition at the Antique Olympics last fall? Don’t let her adorable haircut and bright lips distract you – she is fearless. When it comes to finding garments there’s no warehouse too musty, no attic too dark, and no antique mall too cluttered. We estimate that she’s rescued and redistributed just over 1000 vintage items in the last couple of years. Keep your eyes on her - she's got a long career ahead of her.”